Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Monster Mommy again! (sigh)

Tonight the Mommy Monster reared her wrinkly hagard face and scared the kids not to mention the cute dad who really hadn't done a thing wrong. As I threw the book of stories about Jesus at Jess and stomped up stairs to feed the baby like a martyr there was a little part of me asking "How old are you?" Toddler? Preschooler at best. I did eventually apologize for being so weird, and tonight as I opened up Marjorie Hinckley's book called "Glimpses" I turned to this:

"There is something about spirituality that is central to the life of a woman .

I do not mean the kind of spirituality that only takes you to church on Sunday. Sitting in church will not necessarily make you into a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage will make you into a car. I am talking about the kind of spirituality that makes you behave like a child of God.

I am talking about the kind of spirituality that makes you loving an grateful, and forgiving, and patient, and gentle, and longsuffering iwth that roommate who drops her clothes on the closet floor and who never, no never, does her share of the cooking and cleaning and who beat you to the boyfriend.

I am talking about the kind of spirituality that compels you to get in touch with your Heavenly Father every single day of your life."

She was talking to a younger group of women, but the principle is the same. I behaved badly tonight and just after I had there was a moment where I was back in control and knew I was sorely in the wrong, but I still choose to stomp up those last few stairs, instead of modeling good behavior for our kids and choosing their feelings over my own.

We have a new rule in our family. I can't remember if I've already talked about this or not. Anyhow, it's called something really fancy: "RULE #1" and it's to be kind and respectful to everyone in our family. It's been great for me, for when I lose my temper, I stop, tell the kids I broke our family rule, apologize and start again in a more respectful way.

Truth be told I started doing this a few weeks ago, and it really was having a good influence on me and the kids (Jess is already good at being patient and kind) but, this week I forgot all about it. So, I vow to start again this week, I love what Sister Hinckley said about being "longsuffering, gentle, and patient" even when people's actions don't necessarily merit it. I'm excited to work on this during this new week. When Mommy's happy it brings a happy spirit in the home, I know this. So, get away Mommy Monster, you've been banished!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Hold a true friend with both your hands. - Nigerian Proverb

They say the Lord answers prayers through other people.

This has been so true in my life. When I was young there was only me, my mom, and my brother Chris for family. Occasionally there was my grandma around but that was the extent of our immediate and extended family. So, you can imagine how grateful I was my for "Aunts" who were really just my mom's childhood friends.

When my mom was 13 her mom left her and her brother in a motel down by the beach (Santa Monica, Ca) and never returned. After a month or so the motel manager regretfully asked the two kids (ages 11 and 13) to leave. From there my mom became really close with a group of about 8 other kids who also had no family and together they formed their own family. For awhile they just lived together under the Santa Monica pier and did what they could to get money and support themselves and their younger siblings. My mom said she used to stand on the boardwalk and tell people she lost her lunch money, and some times she'd get caught and someone would say, "didn't I see you here yesterday?"

She tells these stories fondly because while she didn't have a traditional family she had been blessed with wonderful friends, the forever kind. These friends still keep in touch and have been a support to one another over the years much like a family. She says the Lord answered her prayers through good friends.

I too feel like Heavenly Father has been mindful of me and answered some of my most tender prayers through a good friend. As a child I was blessed with friends who loved me and took me in when I needed a safe place. And, as I got older I had friends who not only shared their homes and families with me, but their faith too. And, it changed the path of my life forever. There have been many times when I have wondered where my life would have ended up had I not have met these great friends in highschool and their parents who took me into their homes like I was one of the family.

In college, my friends were more like sisters. They taught me who I was and who I wanted to become. Getting to BYU was no small thing. There was hurdle after hurdle, followed by miracle after miracle. I assumed these miracles took place because the Lord really wanted me to break the pattern in my family and be the first to get an education, but now I think it had more to do with meeting these wonderful girls who changed my life and who I am forever. They taught me about love and charity, about the Savior and being a daughter of God. Without those experiences I wouldn't be the mother or wife I am. I'm so thankful for the Lords hand in my life, carefully guiding me and for these wonderful people I've met along the way.

I'll never forget how loved I felt on my wedding day when I was surrounded by my 10 bridesmaids, 8 of which had traveled over 15 hours to be there with me, standing in as my family.

Now again the Lord has filled my life with good friends. The kind that make you better for having been in their association. I feel so blessed for knowing these women, for their patient friendship, for their example of motherhood, but most of all for their unconditional love.

I was reading a talk given by Sherri Dew (CLICK HERE) about the influence of women on the world. It's a beautiful talk, and I couldn't help but reflect upon the good women that have influenced my life.
I'm so thankful for these earthly angels who have helped me along my way and I'm thankful to the Lord for answering my prayers, sometimes even before I know what to ask.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Skateboarding: A family affair.

I'm so excited warm weather is finally here. The winter was brutal this year. Jess made us a super fun ramp to play on out back.

Friday night we had a dinner date with the kids at the Mckenzie skateboard park. The kids loved it, they dropped in on the 5foot tall ramp with their dad and I was brave and tried the little ramp in the middle, but ended up laid out on my back.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

" Please bless and Thank-you for my Little Mermaid Jammie Dress..."

(Newest creation. Just made it out of an old Disney bed sheet,
right along with dinner yesterday,
That's how easy serging is, I'm loving it.)

I can't decide if it's bad or not that I write down alot of the kids prayers. I don't really think so, but hopefully I'm not offending anyone who feels otherwise. I figure they make Heavenly Father chuckle too, they're so innocent and sweet. Anyhow today part of Ky lunch prayer included thanks for each individual jammie dress she owns.

"Thank you that I can have a new Little Mermaid jammy dress, and not just one old one, because now I have two. . . oh, I mean three, thank you for my Strawberry Shortcake jammie dress too."

Bridgey: "Look at this cutest beetle, I got! (meanwhile squishing sad beetle) Oh, my gosh, she's so cute Mom!" (Is that my child or what?)

Conversation in the Van:
Ky: Baby dinosaurs are so cute.
B: No they're just naughty. They pinch and pinch and pinch you.
(I'll spare you the repeat of this conversation another 10 times, but it just delights my heart to watch these 'big' kids sit and have their own conversations and debates all day long.)

Friday, May 15, 2009


"Life is a gift wrapped up for you everyday."

It is remarkable.

Today when I woke to unwrap my day. I found that I had accidentally published a post about my sad week, and the first thing I could thing I could think was "unpublish!" and just as I was about to do that I saw that there were already comments. So, I read them instead, and they warmed my heart and made me cry. Then as the day wore on I recieved phone calls of concern and while it kind of embarrasses me mostly it just makes me count my many blessings.

I'm so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Today was better. Thanks everyone. My heart is full.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Paxil & a Hovering Cloud

The dark cloud that seems to shade my path this week is relentless. I have woken in a grouchy mood more days than not this week, and today as I was saying my morning prayers I felt so bad for being so grouchy when life is so beautiful. So, I sat counting my blessings and recognizing how perfect things are and still this dark cloud follows above my head. And, so I realize I must still have need for the Paxil that I am desparately trying to get off.

I have been Post Partum with each baby, and it gets worse each time. After Fin, it was more a breathing problem than anything. When she was about 3 months old I starting having panic attacks several times a day. And, it wasn't until she was about 5 months that I dragged myself down to see a doctor and he perscribed Paxil. It was like Heaven! Within 5 days I could feel a difference. It was a very real, physical change. I no longer got as many panic attacks and the ones I still got were not nearly as unmanagable as before. Before I would do things like hide in my closet with the lights off, and bury my head in my knees until it would stop. More than once I have hidden under a laundry basket, and even though I can still see through the slats it seems to help.

A few weeks ago I forgot the medicine for a few days and felt find, so I thought I'd try stopping the Paxil altogher in one shot. Baaaadddd idea! I got super sick. So, now I am trying to wean slowly, but I keep waking up with what I call "Angry Throat" and my question is: is this due to the need for more medicine or is this simple a side effect of coming off it?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sewing and the Janome 1100dx

I'm super excited to introduce you all to the new love of my life. She's 1 foot tall and about 2 blessed pounds: Janome 1100dx (She came pre-named). She's a beaut, and fits in with her Kenmore cousin perfectly.

Here's my newest project. It was so fun to design, vintage fabrics and the only thing matching is the the non-matching. I'm guessing there are many that will say, "Oh... cute, it's a Stephanie dress" rather than just "Oh, cute!" But, I'm in love anyhow. Does the stripe fabric look familiar? Your grandma probably still has one of these old sheets hanging around.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Puppy Princess Dress-up

Princesses: Kyanne, Chloe,
and Kitty.

Here's Ky and Chloe having a "Friend's Party". This included dress ups, tropical drinks, and a puppy who doubled as a princess/baby or both. I found them singing her "I am a child of God" when it was her bedtime, and trying to force the poor thing into a basket half her size, all the while looking fab in a princess dress.

Below, is my 17 year old sister, Kayla, and my sweet mom, Lorrie along with some other goofy pictures I found in Photo Booth.

An Endearing picture of my pouchy belly.

Ky gave me my Mother's Day present early and I love love love it!! Yes, 3 "loves" it's that cute. It's a book she made at preschool. Here's a snipit:

Who can guess which one is "Mommy"? Anyone at all? That's right, I'm the one pregnant with twins! Sadly there are no twins let alone a single baby in there. That my friends, is what we like to affectionately refer to as a "Pouchy Belly".

My mom always said, "the women in our family have pretty, long, legs and
pouchy bellies, which are better for carrying babies in." As though they were somehow better than the non-pouchy tummys of the world. Either way I believed her and I too cheerfully pass along this wives tale to my innocent children. And, so Kyanne draws her mommys pouchy tumkin with family pride. We also have big feet, but I can't seem to come up with one good lie as to why it's ideal to have big honkin feet.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

This weeks edition of: SHE SAID... HE SAID...

K:"Your the best mom in the whole world. I will never be respectful to parents again. Never ever."

K:"Please bless these sweet children, BRidge and Fin (she took herself out) and we thank thee that I can be so kind to them..."

K:"Who's going to drive me to the temple on my wedding day?"
M:"Mom and Dad will"
K:"Oh, mom! You and dad can't both drive at the same time, you won't fit!"

B: "Look, I put heart stickers on the wall for Daddy. He's going to be so Happy with Bridgey Bear!"