The dark cloud that seems to shade my path this week is relentless. I have woken in a grouchy mood more days than not this week, and today as I was saying my morning prayers I felt so bad for being so grouchy when life is so beautiful. So, I sat counting my blessings and recognizing how perfect things are and still this dark cloud follows above my head. And, so I realize I must still have need for the Paxil that I am desparately trying to get off.
I have been Post Partum with each baby, and it gets worse each time. After Fin, it was more a breathing problem than anything. When she was about 3 months old I starting having panic attacks several times a day. And, it wasn't until she was about 5 months that I dragged myself down to see a doctor and he perscribed Paxil. It was like Heaven! Within 5 days I could feel a difference. It was a very real, physical change. I no longer got as many panic attacks and the ones I still got were not nearly as unmanagable as before. Before I would do things like hide in my closet with the lights off, and bury my head in my knees until it would stop. More than once I have hidden under a laundry basket, and even though I can still see through the slats it seems to help.
A few weeks ago I forgot the medicine for a few days and felt find, so I thought I'd try stopping the Paxil altogher in one shot. Baaaadddd idea! I got super sick. So, now I am trying to wean slowly, but I keep waking up with what I call "Angry Throat" and my question is: is this due to the need for more medicine or is this simple a side effect of coming off it?