Insults and Accusations

My husbands partner and one of our dearest friends, John, recently commented on what a "sanguine couple" Jess and I are. That sounded like a compliment until I heard he used his observations of our chronically messy home to backup his theory.

As I contemplated this I realized deep down I view myself as a as a cleaning perfectionist like my mother, but in actuality Johns right, I've only inherited half of my mother's over zealous cleaning trait: the mental half.

I practically obsess about a tidy house. I nag and complain with the best of wives, but that's about where it ends. I almost feel liberated as I write this next line:

I am a terrible house keeper, and not that fabulous of a homemaker in general. While I probably own a more extensive collection of organizational/cleaning books than the public library, my laundry continues to threaten take over and the pizza shop knows me by name. But, I think I can be okay with, I think.

Now I have theories. I think somewhere deep in my subconscious I have some morphed unrealistic ideal of a homemaker and "good" mother. This an ideal that matches up with my core beliefs or values and yet it seems to influences my very self concept. Leaving me with guilt and grouchy feelings that often cause everyone else grief as well.

I met with a physiologist recently who asked me to go home and reevaluate my ideals and goals and see if they match up with what I really believe to be truth. Everyone should do this every now and then, to make sure they're heading on the path they mean to be on.

I won't give up on trying to be a better homemaker for my sweet family who needs clean clothes and nutritious meals, but instead recognize where these things fall on my priority list. I've been trying to remember my morning prayers and ask what would be most important for me to spend my efforts doing that day.

Time and time again I feel the most important things, are things that will encourage feelings of love, and joy for our family. This sometimes includes cleaning and errands but even then my focus is on keeping the Spirit, and having joyful moments with the kids. I realize when my goals of a well run home are first on my priority list, everything seems get out of sorts. It's not that those activities are a problem, but rather my goals. I can do those activites with the goal of helping my family feel my love, and hopefully through this feel and recognize Heavenly Father's love for them as well and the way I feel at the end of a day is drastically different than how I feel when my goal is a show ready home. Especially because that's really not possible with these little rascals at my heels all day There's a reason there are not children in those show homes! :)

I love writing out my thoughts, it helps me put things into even better perspective. Writing things down also helps me remember but, nothing helps me remember to put this lesson into action as asking the Lord what he would have me do with my day each morning, if only I could remember to do that everyday! :) Maybe I need a prayer rock at the foot of my bed, so I stub my toe.

Picture of Jesus

Kids conversation this morning at the table:

Ky: Bridge do you love me.
Bridge: Yes I love you.
Ky: Well some people love me and some people don't.
Bridge: I love you Kyanne.
Ky: Bridgey, I'm drawing a picture of Jesus.
Bridge: Jesus? I love Jesus! He's my favorite.
Ky: He has two eyes, and a mouth...

(They are precious little ones. I feel so blessed to be able to spend so much time with them each day.)

Another Edition of "He Said, She said. . ."

The "He said... She said..." Series started as a way to keep a running list of memorable phrases I have priveledge to during the day. Here's this weeks.

Bridgey (exact quote): "Mom! I'm going to have the Biggest Boy Part, when I'm big like my dad!" (Lately he and Ky have this thing about having the "biggest" or being the "fastest", it's driving me a little nuts, but at this moment it was pure humor.

"Look, I pop Kitty in the eye" followed by a poke, poke, to the puppy's eyeball.

A disheartened Bridgey cry followed by "I have toilet paper stuck to my bum"

What do you want to name your puppy? "Kitty!"


Kyanne: after we got the dog, she asked if we could "keep her forever, even when we go to Heaven and live with Heavenly Father and Jesus?"

And, last night, she just blew me away when I asked her if she knew who Satan was during my family home evening lesson. Her answer was so amazing and detailed that I asked her to stand up and teach that part of the lesson for me. I was floored. Thanks primary (church) leaders and teachers. What a wonderful blessing you are to us and our little ones.

Hearing her detailed response helped me realize how much she does listen and take in. I feel so encouraged and responsible to really take the time to be teaching her these important things that will help her through life. It made me think of this scripture in Proverbs.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

Welcoming a new edition. . .

As if life wasn't chaotic enough it, we decided to throw a puppy into the mix for good measure! It was Jess's choice really, Baby or Puppy? He opted for Puppy. And, as it turned out we got the best of the best. Her name is Blue Kitty (she's Bridgey's puppy, so he got to name her) and she's 1 year old this month. She's potty trained, knows commands, sleeps through the night, registered and has all her shots! It's like we skipped the puppy stage, but she's still the size of a puppy and as playful as one too. She's a little Fur Ball of Heaven.

Welcoming little "Blue Kitty"

Night Terrors

"Waaaaaaa-" come the gut wrenching crys from downstairs. Assuming the worst (bunk bed fall, broken limb) I bolt down the stairs to find Bridgey thrashing around at the edge of his bed, eyes open, and in hysterics. Assuming he'd had a bad dream, I try to hold him and say, "it's okay Honey, Mommy's here" but this just prompts a new bout of cries, "Mom, mom, MOm!" still no recognition that I'm right there trying to calm his wriggling body.

It's pretty terrifying to say the least. I've read all abou them online but, it still seems so sad and I have a hard time not trying to comfort him, despite the online advice. Has anyone else dealt with this?

Winter Recap; The variety Pak

Here's my cheaty catch up post for all the posts I meant to write but didn't this Winter.

Most memorable events of Winter 2008/09:
With a just over a million-plus hours and alot of gut wrenching hard work Jess got his Private Equity Group really moving this winter. Lucky for us he hired two assistants for help at the office, and can be home a lot more. But still we found time to have fun as a family, and a couple and I'm really looking forward to this Spring when there will be even more time.

With all the time inside this xtra snowy winter, Bridgey discovered games! He loves them all. He also is head over heels for any four legged friend he happens upon. Horses, dogs, kittys, they all elicit this excited, high pitched "Ooohhhhh", it can make even the grouchiest mommy smile. And, lucky for me he's still my Mama's boy. Which gets a little tricky with Fin being a Mama's girl. In the end, I spend a lot of time in the reading chair with 3 little ones shoving and squirming to be closer to mom. On the one hand it drives me to distraction and on the other, I'm kind of flattered.
Fin started talking right at about 12 months. Saying words such as "Up, down", "Please", "Uh-oh", "I love you", and of course "Uh-oh Bum!" She just toddles after her brother and sister, and keeps up surprisingly well. Bridgey and her go at it every few min. and I'm so thankful that I have Ky who helps keep the peace. Fin's favorite toys right now are purses and dolls. She gets a high pitched squeal when she see's dolls or real babies, it's so cute, since she herself is still just a baby.
Bridgey and Ky have became the best of friends. If they spend a few hours apart the reunion is momentuous. Hugs, Kisses, and "I missed you"'s all over the place. Nothing quite warms my heart like witnessing the love between my little ones.

Ky has grown into such a nurturing, peaceful little Mommy at age 4. She watches the kids for me several times a day. Of course I'm just up a floor or down a floor tending to something else, but her help is invaluable. She knows when to come get me and when she can handle the situations with Bridge and Fin herself. She encourages Fin and Bridge to be more kind to one another by her example of kindness and I couldn't ask for a more precious first child. Heavenly Father really blessed my life when He sent me Ky first.

Kyanne has really loved preschool. Yesterday she just started writing letters out of the blue. I didn't even know she could recognize those letters, let alone write them. I try practicing letters with her but she seemed unintrested, until yesterday when she just busted out 6 letters all on her own. Her teacher says she likes to talk more than any of the other kids. Her stories are long and detailed, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

This winter we went to Golden for the weekend with some other families. The kids had a blast staying in the log cabins, and taking skiing lessons up at Kicking Horse. The boys snowboarded all day, while the moms and baby's tried to stay warm and entertained in the Lodge. It was a dream I've heard Jess talk about for years. And, I really look forward to getting our own cabin so we can spend even more time together playing as a family and playing with friends in the snowy mountains.
We also spent two weeks at Grandma and Grandpa Larsen's house in Raymond while the basement was being developed at home. It was really fun. I was surprised at how much fun I had away from home with 3 small kids. After a few days the kids really settled in and they just couldn't get enough of their grandparents. Towards the end I could tell our visit was really interupting Mo's sleep, as the kids all get up in the night and she has a hard time falling back asleep once woken. So I thought it best to make up a reason to return home early, even though our house was still in a shambles do to renos. But, Dick saw through my secret plan and called me on it.

Meggie got engaged! And, I'm really excited to welcome Jorge into the family. He fits wonderfully and he's her perfect match. She just got her sparkily ring this week and her dress a week or so before that. It's been super fun watching them from the start, and now planning the wedding! Hooray for Tia and Tio Cano. Here's Meg trying on my Wedding dress her real dress is loads prettier.



















Jess bought a second snowmobile and the Kids are crazy about it. Ky told Heavenly Father how much she loved Daddy's new snow-mo-ble in her prayers tonight. Here's some pictures of the kiddos with dad.
I'm attending sewing classes taught by this wonderful semstress and friend in our ward, Marna. She's pretty hard core, and quite honest about our progress :). But it's wonderful because we really are learning quickly. I've never found a hobby I loved more or tried harder to master than sewing.
And, best of all this Winter, I feel like I've gain real friends again. I guess I just took it for granted always having been blessed with good friends. But, when I got married we moved Huntington Beach and being head over heels as I was for Jess, I didn't really take the time to make real friends, and after we had Ky we just kept moving around and I never felt settled enough to put in the effort. But, since moving to Calgary I've been blessed with so many good friends and I my heart is full. It just makes life complete. Women need friends. I love my Jess and three little ones but as perfect as they are they can't replace good girlfriends.
And, I have to add that I love the ward we are in. I've never really understood the meaning of a "ward family" until now. Today I gave a talk at church and just bombed! Really, I'm not trying to be humble, it was pretty all over the place, and still I felt happy afterwards. So, the secret is out, I'm a terrible public speaker.

With life being so happy, I have a naggy thought warning me to not get comfortable, as I must be due for a big heartache. But, 7 years later I'm still waiting. Each year my love for my babies and sweet Jess deepen and my gratitude for my blessings increase. I think it is because of the peace the gospel has brought into my life, I can be still. Knowing the Lord has a plan, brings me hope, even in hopeless situations.

As I have this thought that life is so good disaster must be around the corner, I realize we've been having disasters all along. And, because we have the hope of Heavenly Father's constant love and help, we may be sad or weary but we do not despair or fall into to hopelessness, and I'm so thankful for this. I just read a great talk by one of our church leaders on maintaining Hope. For anyone who has the time, it's such an inspiring read. Here's the LINK.

“Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” 2 Nephi 31:20.