Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A friend asked me what it was like having 3 kids so close together. My initial response: "Hard". It was out of my mouth before I could catch it. But the truth is: it's more wonderful than I could ever describe and I'm happier and more content than I've ever been.
The year I married Jess I couldn't believe how very blessed I was to have found the gospel and my perfect match all in one lifetime. We moved to a little cottage by the water in Huntington Beach and life was bliss. Life was so happy I spent those first few years looking over my shoulder waiting for it to dissipate, but it never did. It just got better.
Two years later we we're blessed with our first baby: Kyanne. By the time she was 3 months old, I was surprised to find my capacity for love and happiness had expanded again. Of course in between all this there were little clouds like lost jobs, living with in-laws, unexpected $30,000 dollars of medical debt, and eating more .25 cent pies than we care to admitt.
When ky turned a year and a half, we bought our first home and were expecting our second. With so much instability in my past, having a real home felt pretty surreal. I spent that first summer in Raymond pregnant and hormonal. Worrying day after day that I wouldn't be able to love my new baby, so Jess gave me a sweet blessing of reassurance a few weeks before his birth. As it turns out, I like boys after all. The moment he was placed in my arms, I just sobbed, I loved him at first site.
7 months later I cried more joyful tears as I found out we we're pregnant with #3. Jess was understandably nervous, as our financial future had just crumbled, leaving us in ruins and without a home. I on the other hand was the good parent who wanted Finley from the start. Actually I was surprised at just how calm I felt. I knew the timing was right and I couldn't be more happy about another little girl. Now that little girl is a year old, Bridge is 2, and Ky is 4.
Today as I listened to Ky help Bridgey pray my heart was so full, I again wondered if this was all too good to be true, would I have some terrible trial to make up for having more than I had even hoped for. Every dream and secret wish I had as a child has come to fruition, making life truly perfect. Perfect -with all the trials, mishaps, and joys that have come along with it.
We've had plenty of tears, and growing pains along the way, but today I feel grateful for it all. I feel grateful to the Lord for allowing us to experience trials that shape, mold, and help us become closer to one another. Without the bad, we wouldn't recognize or be able to fully appreciate the good, so in this fleeting moment I'm grateful for it all.