Should I be worried?

This morning when I asked Bridge what color shirt he wanted, "green or red", he said, "pink" pointing to his sister's on the other side of the rack. This wouldn't be so worrisome if he hadn't already thrown a tantrum earlier in the morning to put on my "gauk-up" (make-up) and tried to wear a bow in his hair later this afternoon. Yesterday was the third time he proudly came out in my mascara, and poor Ky has to fight him to wear her purple princess gloves daily.

I know it's "healthy" for boys to play with dolls, and practice nurturing, and I'm really proud that he's learning his colors, but does pink have to be his favorite?

Poor guy he's surrounded by 2 of the most girlish girls to walk the plant, and here I am making fun him. He's such a cutie!!

The Birthday Pukes...

Happy, Happy Birthday to me. Today I'm 28, on the 28th. Meggie said since this will only happen once in my life we have to do 28 fun things. I'm hoping this involves, 28 bites of chocolate, and maybe 28 hours of sleep, or even 28 mins for that matter, I'm not picky. Poor little Fin is the sickest little sicky ever. She started throwing up just about every half hour, from about 3p to 11p when the doctors gave her some anti nausea meds thru an iv at the Children's Hospital. It was daylight when we arrived and daylight when we left. It was a long night, and were still recuporating. Poor girl is still puking up her guts, but not as often. While this bday has been a bit gloomier than others, I loved all the sweet phone calls this morning, and this really cute note from Whit, made my day!

"Happy happy early birthday! I really wish I could come up and surprise you for your birthday. But then again, maybe a grumpy pregnant lady just showing up at your house isn't the best birthday present.

So let's just pretend I am a great friend and came up to visit you on your birthday. And while we are pretending, we might as well pretend I cleaned your house, bought you pizza, and made a fabulous birthday cake! Love you."

"But, when you lose our children. . ."

I don't want to give myself airs but, I think I may be in the top ten most disorderly mothers in all the world. You know the kind that brings all the kids in but forgets the groceries, or better yet brings the groceries in but, forgets the baby (true story).

Lucky for me I am married to my bestfriend, who knows that most days I walk around with half my brain missing and likes me, anyhow. When he purposed, as he was putting the ring on my finger he said, "Now, I know one day your going to lose this, and that's okay, I'll get you another, but when you lose our children. . . you need to find them."

And, that's me. I've been this way as long as I can remember, and it drives me - crazy. But, never so crazy as now that I have 3 helpless, and dependent, little children, who are counting on "Mom" to have it together.

I have dedicated this week like so many in the past, to becoming an orderly mother: a clean home, well groomed, bathed, and behaved children, that smile when I say "bedtime" . So, far it hasn't been the fairytale I pictured, but not entirely a failure, either.

This week is different from all the rest as I have given up the "Projects" piece of my life. Anyone who knows me knows I do projects: Sick, well, 9 months pregnant. And, as I reflect, it really seems a tad on the neurotic side. Like maybe I was searching to find meaning in the simplicity of my life.

I'm guessing that somewhere along the way I bought into the lies of the adversary such as: being a mother, isn't enough of a contribution or self worth is gained through what you can produce, when really it's the process of production. I became so busy with good things, that I shifted my focus from the best things. You would think that simplifying your life would be: simple. But, I'm finding it takes great effort and restraint to just enjoy the ordinary events of the day, and choose contentment.

I'm thankful to have modern day prophets that give us guidance relevant to us today. I really appreciated Elder Oaks talk in the Fall conference, "Good, Better, Best", and I appreciate the examples of the great women in my family and in my ward. I gain perspective and strength from the way they live their lives.

Here's to "being still", realizing there is a season for all things and. . . trimming back the "good" to make room for the "best"

"[We should] work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.” -Gordon B.Hinckley

Rock'n it Since 1995. . .

"For those of you who have never heard of Cake, do yourselves a favor, don’t ask a Cake fan, “So what kind of music does Cake play?” It’s really frustrating to try and describe their “genre.” Cake’s repertoire of rock includes touches of folk, hip-hop soul, and funk. But such a description hardly does the band justice. Cake is just Cake, and they know how to put on a show." -Helana Kadyszewski (concert review)

Absolutely! Here! Here I've been a fan since I was 15 (1995). So, you can imagine how stoked I was to see them last night in concert. It was nothing short of Fabulous. It took awhile for the opening band (Paper Lions) to start the show, but it turned out to be worth the wait.

At the risk of sounding Muggle, I have to admit I may have rocked a bit harder to the "Paper Lions", but Cake was still Fantastic. John McCrea did a lot of choir conducting ("women. . . now men. . . ") and gave away a tree. It was one of those sing along sort of concerts for true followers, and probably an annoyance to the rest of the crowd.

And, of course it couldn't be a real concert without a moron or two starting a few brawls. But, I even enjoyed the drama put on by surrounding neighbors and even our very own Meggie. The crowd was such a mix of young, and old, Indie and trendy. I haven't had that much fun in awhile. (Wish you were there, Jay! p.s. they opened with Jolene.)

Oh, It is Love. . .

Last week as Jess and I were driving to go have dessert with friends the word "anniversary" popped in my head, and it dawned on me, "Did we forget our anniversary?" I asked aloud, more to myself than him. We just giggled, clapped a high five, and figured we'd make up for it next year. . . so I thought.

On Saturday, I woke up feeling so queasy that Jess thought it best to get right to the heart of the matter with a double dose of Gravel. That was my first go round with Gravel, and I reacted the same as I do to the epidural. It knocked me out cold. And, when I came too, I couldn't talk right, or walk a straight line.

Luckily it wore off a bit by that evening, when Jess took me out for dinner. After dinner he said he wanted to show me a new building his company was trying to buy. I'm not sure how I didn't catch on when he took me into the Pallisar Hotel downtown. I guess I was still a bit out of it. He acted lost, and then pulled out a key and said maybe we should try this door. Inside the room were rose petals scattered about and a sweet letter on the bed. It was the perfect way to spend our 6th anniversary. Just lounging around, eating all sorts of odd fruits, eclairs, and sipping the elixar of life (A&W) out of wine glasses. We even went for a dip in their spa.

I get grossed out by swim change rooms, so we dressed in our room and then wore the luxurious Hotel robes down to the pool, which seemed really fancy, until we got funny looks as we strode through the elaborate halls in nothing but robes. Of course, this just made us giggle too. It was such a fantastic little get away, 20 min. from our house and our 3 kids! Thanks honey.

Thumbs Up for Today.

Today's been a great day. I realize as I look over recent posts that I am more inclined to write when my day is going pukey. In some odd way I find it theraputic to rant and rave to the unknown public.

But, today was delightful. I woke up with less than an hour to plan preschool for Ky's class, clean the house that we didn't tidy last night, dress myself, the kids, and make breakfast. This would usually send me into a bit of a frenzy but, Jess swopped in, skipped his shower, breakfast, and saved the day.

The kids arrived to a clean and tidy house (high on a 3 year olds priority list). We played, read, sang, crafted, did circle time and learned about the meatmorphosis of butterflies. They made darling mobile's of the stages of a butterflies life, and acted them out. Now, it's 1:27 in the afternoon, and all 3 kiddies are napping, the house is clean, and I'm lounging on the couch. It's just been a Thumbs Up sort of day.

I'm not sure which is harder, loving a body in transition. . . or dressing one.

I love the all out girly style that is all the rage right now. But, those cute baby doll dresses and tee's really do nothing for the post baby belly I'm sportn these days. Today while out garage sale hopping with Whit, I couldn't help but notice how cute we looked with her 4 month prego belly and my 4 month post prego belly that were sadly too close in size!! Geezeeee!


Are these cute kiddos really worth all this? I know it wasn't but a year ago that I was complaining about this same sort of thing (see "My New Relationship with Gravity"). I suppose spacing my kids a bit further would really help in the Battle of the Mom Bod, but the little squirts are so cute, I couldn't wait any longer to have them! Besides, "that's one doddle that can't be undid, Homeskillet" (thanks Rainn), so no use complain'n.

Lesson Learned #1

Today in the elevator at the mall, another mother asked me how I would describe having 3 children, of course I wanted to say, "Sunshine everyday". But, this was just after Kyanne tried to redecorate Siren's and Bridgey protested to join in so loudly that more than a few customers gave me the "disapproving" eye with a simultaneous head shake, so for that moment I felt inclined to speak the truth. . . "Hard", I said. To which I was surprised that she acted surprised at my response and said in this almost sing song voice, "Really? My friends with three and four kids say, three was a breeze."

Feeling close to deaf and happily numb by this time I politely told her, "their lying".
Carrie has a wall on her blog called, "Lesson Learned". Here's mine:

Lesson Learned #1:
Children belong in zoo's, not malls.

Maybe she's born with it. . .

. . . maybe, it came from a bottle!

Ding, ding, ding. If you answered, "came from a bottle" your nine bucks poorer and about 16 shades lighter than intended, with a loud ting of orange.

Needless to say I feel like wearing a hat.

Preschool Cuties

Getting ready for a Hot Date to the Disney Store

We've been trying to take the kids on a date each week. If Ky's picking, it usually involves window shopping at the Disney store in the mall, riding on the Merry Go Round and maybe some french fries. Look at those lashes, lucky girl. Thanks Grandpa!

Survival of the Fittest

I've gotten a few requests to post some updates about the little Fin in my life. So, here she is in all her Majesty (you wouldn't know Majesty if it came up and bit you in the face, wah ha ha haaa! -Strong Bad).

She's a "Little Viking" to say the least. I guess with the 3rd kid, the best you can hope for is, survival. Between being fed raisins, and carried down a flight of stairs by a toddler barely twice her size, she's hangin' in there. . . for dear life.

Fin is a doll literally, well behaved, sleeps & eats on demand, smiles on cue. She's heaven, and if she's heaven, then the other kids must be. . . Purgatory? Just kidding, they're Heaven too, when they're peacefully sleeping.

Jess and I, both have never felt like life was so complete. The kids just love each other, and it melts my heart everyday to see them delighted by the baby, secretly plotting mischief, or excitedly embracing because it's been an entire hour since they saw each other last.

Oh, what do the simple folk do.. .

. . . to perk up when they are blue"
- Camelot Musical

I suppose I not so much blue as suffering from the daily adjustment to the monotony of my life. I look at today's "to-do's" and find myself doing alot of self talk, 'this is your life, embrace it', 'find the extrodinary in the ordinary', 'bloom where your planted' and then I find myself stubbornly asking 'but, is this it?'

And, then I remind myself that I have every possible blessing, all I'm missing is a tragedy to help me recognize them. I was reading the blog of a close friend tonight and she had journaled about a truly heartbreaking experience and I felt shame for my discontent and sincere gratitude for my happy life.

Kim Baker gave a fantastic lesson a few months ago about sharing the gospel with others. This being so dear to my heart, I paid close attention. What stood out most to me was when she talked about sharing our testimony through our example. That if we walk around acting put out, overwhelmed and tired all the time as mothers, we are not sharing the right message. (For the record, she said it much more eloquent than this.)

I guess the point to this rambling is that I hope to be a light unto the world, not a soggy rain cloud. And, tonight I was able to re-adjust my perspective again and I wanted to commit my new cheerful outlook to paper or cyberspace, so I could look back and remember, when the time comes again that I can't see the forest for the trees.

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through ^aChrist which ^bstrengtheneth me."

(Philippians 4:10-13)

9.0 volts of Magnificence

I know kids are suppose to be little scientists exploring their surroundings and testing their boundaries. And, you'd think this would be enough for me to be patient with their little experiments: (In the last 48 hours)

If I step on this glass frame with it crack?
How about his mirror?
If I tip over this Jumbo box of Cheerios will they hit the freshly mopped floor?
If I rub this orange marker all over my body, an innocent lamp and my new Snow White doll will anyone notice? (strong resemblence to the Chucky doll)

And, that is why I'd like to send a shout out to Black & Decker. My love for my 9.0 volt Handheld Dustbuster has reached new depths this week. And, while wer'e at it, how about a shout out to Mr. Clean's attractively packaged poison, The Magic Eraser.

"Check out the Majesty"
-Strong Bad

Play House Loft Bed

Here's the semi-finshed kids room. I patterned the bed after one I saw at Ikea. The idea was for Ky to sleep on top of the Loft and Bridge underneath so they would do more sleeping than playing so much for that idea. But, it makes a fun playhouse anyhow. There's more pictures Here.



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Now playing: The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You
via FoxyTunes

If only she knew.

These have to be some of my favorite pictures ever. Kyanne spends most days pretending to be someone else, usually Princess Snow White, Giselle or her friend Lexi. But, she's never too interested in just being Kyanne. If only she knew 'Kyanne' is a princess too.

I'm surprised day after day by her tenderness and concern for others. She's such a grateful child thankful for the simplest things: dinner, dishes, puffy sleeves, clean 'Butterfly Jammies', reading a book, holding her hand. She's kind to her brother, even when her friends aren't, and she humbles me daily as she happily forgets and forgives my Motherly short comings. Aside from all this most days she has me in stitches with comments like: "Your pretty mom (pause), I like your bum." or "Look mom, I'm wearing my gardens to preschool (referencing the slip under her clothes)", or "When I'm the Mommy and your the kid...".

She's a slice of Heaven, I'm so lucky.


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Now playing: The Monkees - I'm a believer
via FoxyTunes

Worry. . . a maternal art form.

Sometimes I think this blog should be titled something like: Circus Survivor or Complaints with a Smile. Jess says I should win some sort of award for how effortlessly I can crinkle my forehead and invent things to worry about. I don't mean to be such a big whiner and yet it comes so naturally.

But, since we're on the subject, let me just say: Motherhood can be so trying. I know some would glorify it with terms like refining or progressive, but really today it was just teeth grittingly hard. Some of you really know what I'm talking about, and some will, come another child or two.
I guess, I'm surprised at just how difficult it is to be the patient sweet mother I imagine in my head. After all, this is all I've ever wanted. As a child I dreamed of dollies that came with adoption papers, and picked "House" over every other game all through grade school.

And, while I find it more challenging than I expected, it's so much more wonderful than I ever imagined. I just wish I had a little book with a few answers. I don't even need them all, but a few, a glimpse of light indicating movement in the right direction would be so motivating. And, while it's always been a challenge, now that I have three little sweet spirits with all their own individual needs and wants I'm beside myself overwhelmed on some days. They're like little puzzles, advanced mysteries for me, a very mediocre detective, to solve.

Luckily there are things like these delicious bite sized brownies, my blog where I can complain and put life back into perspective, and really good music like the Mouldy Peaches for me to chill to.

While I'm so happy for this wonderful chocolately moment when the house is still and I can just be me, I do really look forward to the happy mornings when I wake to my little smiley kiddies that are excited to start the day with me, their complainy mother who loves them madly!

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Now playing: Ewan McGregor - How wonderful life is
via FoxyTunes

The Princess Bride and a 3 year old promise.

I showed Kyanne my wedding dress today. She said it was "lovely" (a favorite) like Giselle's (Enchanted). About an hour later I came down stairs to find little pumpkin like this.

Then the sweet little thing, (with a bit of coaching) asked me if she 'could wear it on her wedding day'. "Of course" I said. And, I even videotaped it, just in case in 20 odd years from now, she's more concerned about fashion than her 3 year old promises to her old mom.

If the shoe fits... Buy it in every color.

I love you pieces and back!

It's so important in life to have a person or two that really 'get' you. Someone who understands where your coming from, even if they don't agree and is always rooting for you on the side lines. My mom has been on this team for as long as I can remember. Tonight as I was laying here in bed I couldn't stop thinking about just how much I appreciate her.

I love that she knows where I'm headed, before I finish my sentence or how I feel by the way I say 'Hello'. I love that I can tell her all my sorrows and fears and when I'm my worst self, she's still pulling for me.

When I was little, it was no secret that I thought the sun rose and set by her. It was no secret, because there at the top of each paper, in my 3rd grade hand, it read "I love mom" with a multitude of little floating hearts. My mom said she wasn't sure if she should feel flattered or a little embarrassed for fear the teacher would think she had taught me to do this.

I guess I'm not really sure where this late night post is going, except to say, Thanks to my mom for remembering my love affair with Red Vines each time she comes to visit. For being someone I can count on to leave me a billizion or more phone messages reminding me I'm dear. For not letting me off the phone before she tells me just 'how' much she loves me, Jess, Kyanne, Bridgey and Fin and for things like, secretly calling me every year since I left home to remind me of family birthdays and sending Mothers Day cards in the mail.

There's so many things I love and appreciate about my mom it would take up all the cyber space to tell. So, I'll just suffice to say:
Thanks Mom, for still taking time out to listen, understand, and 'get me'. For being so patient with your adult daughter who so often needs humbling and guidance, that you should win an award. Love you to pieces and back!

He Did...

This week I have been pursued by a geefully twirlng toddler waving an 8" Butcher's Knife and had a brick sized 2 x 4 happily chucked at my pinnie little head by the same assailant. Awh, Bridgey. That little guy with the 'melt my heart' smile in the picture below. I can't help it, everyone knows, I'm a sucker for that kid!

She said...

"Your pretty mom. I like your bum."

"Is your dad the, 'Man in your life'?"
"No, Nala (from the Lion King) is the Princess in my life."

"If you say "No" to me again, I will have to say "No" to you, Mom." - Yikes.